Remember Love
During a tough time, poet Cleo Wade wrote that she ran a bath and sat staring at the ceiling listening to a recorded meditation as she tried to soak herself past her struggles. In her reverie she was listening, but not listening, when suddenly two words came through. Remember Love.
In her poem named “Remember Love.” Wade wrote, “These two words did something to me. They saved me. I began to ask myself if I could love. When life changes, can I remember love? When I change, can I remember love? When my relationships change, can I remember love? When I remember love, I remember I am resilient.”
Love is the supreme emotion. It fosters resilience. Positive psychology researcher, Barbara L Frederickson says we need to find more love in our everyday lives. I like that.
When you think of love, what comes to your mind? I am thinking of a girl in third period English nearly twenty years ago. She was tiny and her bony shoulders stuck up out of her black sweater. She wore black from head to toe. But mostly I remember the stories she wrote in her journal and left for me to read on weekends. For she had lost her father in a car wreck. Perhaps she lost her confidence at the same time and longed for someone to hear her–as her dad must have done. Her senior year, I tried to fill this role in a small way by reading every single word of the journal entries she gave me. And by writing back that I loved her words. For I did. I loved that she could hold and find herself in those words. That she could inch forward. All 89 pounds of her beautiful, suffering self.
Then one Friday, she left me a small heart-shaped candle on top of her journal. A thank-you. When I graded the journals the next morning, I lit that candle, and my study was infused with the wonderful scent of vanilla and with the kindness of the girl.
According to Frederickson, love is a moment of connection and warmth that you share with another human. In her research on love, Frederickson explains that to have love you need to weave together three elements. You need two people who share a positive emotion, you need them to feel deeply connected from this experience, and finally, both people must be invested in the well-being of the other.
On a Monday, many years ago, I returned the girl’s journal and thanked her profusely for the heart-shaped candle. She beamed. “I love to write,” she said, almost like it was a confession.
“I know,” I said. “And I love to read what you write.” Then she stepped into my arms, and I hugged her so hard I could feel her bony shoulders—and I can still feel them. A moment infused with love.
Cleo Wade says if we remember love, we can find our resilience. Barbara Frederick teaches us that love can be found in these small moments, moments that heal us and inspire us to seek and create more of these special times in our lives.
Think about it. Certainly, my moment isn’t unique. What moments of love or connection come to you? Perhaps more importantly–what moments of love and connection can you create? I hope we can fill the coming month with more than chocolate and cards. Let’s find and create more love in a world that often seems short of it.
